clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
