Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
worst night to have a conscience
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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