i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
