You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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