May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
