HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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