I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
