Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
