we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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