Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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