this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
