i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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