There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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