Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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