And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You're like the curious george of whores
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
