so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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