oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
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I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.