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saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Randomize
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