You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.