my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?