I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
