I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
