you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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