wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
