dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is wine microwaveable?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
