i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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