apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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