Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
