I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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