i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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