my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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