Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
