just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
