ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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