I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
