i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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