we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
