My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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