Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
