we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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