She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
