we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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