Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
