Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pants are for mortals
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
