It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
