What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
