I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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