first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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