yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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