I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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