drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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