dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
