Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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