What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
