there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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