So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
