No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dignity is for republicans.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
