I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
