a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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