...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
