Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fill condoms, not promises.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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