PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
