Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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