so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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