the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
